These MINEFIELDS !

 BACK AGAIN

LEARN TO APPRECIATE !

Coming back again and again to the same old place from where you were trying to escape once and are still trying to run off sucks . There are days when you don't feel sound , when your soul ache for support and when you seek for some sympathy but get none instead they tell you that this is life and you have to just go through it and survive 'cause everyone  else do the same . They tell you to calm down , to take a deep breath and to look for happiness instead of gloom but how can you see with your eyes closed , how can you trust the timing of your life when everything seems shattered . Still they will say RELAX FRIEND ! you need to think straight , even I sometimes repeat the same words to myself while looking at my reflection in the mirror. This life is crazy where everyone has a different story to tell, they have their own miseries , complaints and insecurities .People have their shady past to carry , miserable present to endure and unpredictable future to go on for. Every mouth has a story to tell , every soul aches for that gentle touch of warmness and compassion. Some days are great and some are the worst of their kind when you feel stagnant and lost. When doing even a simple chore requires too much effort and motivation and when you feel you don't belong here ; Wanna lost in the infinite lights ?YES I WANT ! We live in a world where flowers get withered after being plucked , where your presence becomes blurry , where your heart becomes heavy holding on certain emotions , where a single futile thing can spoil good times . Things are hard and they are gonna be much harder if you think logically since there seems no place for illogic in this perfectly imperfect world . Sometimes I wonder about the weird thoughts coming to my mind , the random things I wanna do  , the things holding me back and the problems with myself . All I do is just think in vain .   Had I been done, something except thinking I could have been better , probably not complaining for my circumstances. There are moments when you feel that everything is really good and even its not you will make it great but there are moments too when you feel a lot many things weighing you down , your complexes weaving their own nest in you ; consequently intimidating you to look for bad things happening to you , to complain about them and to give up ! You wanna do this , you wanna do that , you wanna go here and you wanna explore , you wanna do things and all _ all these in your head  just piling up a lot inside that little space in your body , thereby experiencing pain and grief when things don't go well as were planned by you . Today you are sitting idle , doing nothing 'cause you don't feel like doing anything ; Isn't this enough to justify the time you wasted and are still wasting ? There's a problem in that too 'cause if you keep on doing this daily you will end up regretting even harder. What an irony man ! I'm amazed, like seriously what to do and how to do ? Sitting in a corner of your room waiting for miracles to happen seems quite unreal and childish 'cause its not gonna happen ever . I wish if fairy tales were real ! I am always waiting for that perfect moment when I'll be willing to do things , Alas ! Why aren't the things which give you happiness productive ? Probably because the happiness you experience doing those ain't real. There are many problems  like this , many weird questions whose answer is still left to give. 

Control is just an illusion . Life is too short to spend it at war with yourself 'cause it really is . For how long you gonna stay here complaining about the things happening to you ? I don't know for how long I am gonna stay 'cause coming out of this loop is another hard thing to accomplish . Is there anything which I can do to make  it up with myself ?Ultimate truth is that this time is gonna pass too  whether you like it or not . And one day when you will look back again you are not gonna feel any of the emotions you are experiencing now , I am not gonna experience all this negativity either. This is because with time we will feel  the  mental growth taking place , the changes we are gonna go through to get there . You will not  be the same the way you are now at this day next year   as I wasn't the same last year . Change is eternal. You want to slice through the darkness to go into light being unaware that you yourself are the light . 

Being on a highway full of red lights ain't easy  but at least you can try to do something , I am gonna do the same 'cause I can't take no more ! This quote just touched my heart , " Everything will be okay in the end . If it's not okay, 
then it's not the END " ACCEPT YOUR PRESENT , WORK ON IT AND MIRCALES ARE GONNA HAPPEN 🦋🌸🔆I'LL TRY MY BEST NOT TO COME HERE AGAIN . Hope that next time the title will be different 👀💙

Avalanche !

 I'm going under 

Even if we fall we will rise up !🔆

As warmth of sun touches my body

As wind blows through my hair

As my eyes meet serenity of this unending sky

my soul feels everything from happiness to numbness

From life to death , From angels to demons

and from white to black

I want peace more than I want anything else

I know where my happiness lies

This is also true that I'm not gonna find it

'cause here is a misery that knows no end

Shadows which grow huge in DARK

Voices which cut like knives

Some people who do care

Some who don't even give a sh*t

Lights that often fluctuate in dark

Melancholy which embraces you every time you are alone

Silences which are louder than rage

All I have is myself and my insecurities

Still living through each single day with a hope that tomorrow will be better

that if day won't last long , the night too won't 

There is brightness in darkness too

peace in chaos too

And meaning in silences too

Everything is related

I lost myself in a bottomless sea 

From where I don't know if I'll ever come back

I 'm sitting on a ledge from where I can see both hell and heaven

Heaven in my kindness

And hell in my demons

Day by day I'm getting close to dusk of ending 

The dawn of beginning has already left me a long time back

Somehow I'll manage to run off this place

I'll take with me my good and my bad

BUT I'm gonna leave behind the worst of this world !👁‍🗨

It Ain't me !

 Seeing good in everything

Still I get so hesitant ✨

One another month has passed away and  one more chance to begin again has knocked your door and mine too but I am not gonna begin again 'cause I can't do this anymore ,I am better in the place where I am now . Its better because I wanna stay here ; is it not valid enough to not begin again but to confront flaws in my current way so that it can become the best in itself ? This month was really good in the sense that we all got some upgradation into a new class , yeah ! the last year of my school life . Although a lot many things are changing in some way or the other but at the surface it all seems same , same old life and same old problems ; it feels like I have been stuck in a loop hole , just repeating same things over time and then complaining and regretting about doing those things again and again. Life goes on and on and on and on but now it feels like it has become stagnant and just like stagnant water gives rise to dangerous mosquitoes , stagnant life too gives rise to negativity and helplessness. Nothing will stay the same over time  not  the things and not even  the people since change is universal. Still there is a weird feeling I have which keeps on reminding me the things I am missing out , the things I've been foreseeing and the things which I should ignore but I can't. I am trying to become a person who is strong enough to withstand the most horrific storms of life, who is determined to do something and who believes in kindness and doing good for people. We don't  even know how many fragments of ourselves we shed off each day and how many pieces of our soul die each and every day out there. Everyday we learn something different that makes us feel alive and that convince us to be grateful for the life we have. Materialistic possessions can never ever make you happy , I have myself experienced this when I believed that getting that thing will make me happy or getting this thing will make me feel really pleasant  no offence somewhere I still believe that buying this particular thing can make me experience peace of mind but its not gonna happen because happiness, peace and contentment are not something that come from external things rather they lies being hidden in different layers of your mind . All you have to do is to unravel those layers . Do not put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket . It doesn't  matter which life you ultimately pick, only that you live it well. KEEP GOING AND KEEP EXPLORING BECAUSE LIVING YOUR LIFE IS IN ITSELF THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WHICH YOU YOURSELF HAVE TO DO.  Lets welcome this another month with great enthusiasm and hope:)🎀

FEBRUARY 2022

Going through a lot many things altogether

I am on my own quest........🙌🌸🍀

So today is the last day of this wonderful cum tragic month of this unpredictable year. Like every month I believed that this month too would be the same i.e. monotonous and full of regrets but nah this month was great in itself; it made me realize the importance of becoming your own support, lending yourself your own shoulder to cry on and focusing more on yourself than people you think makes a difference. This was a month in which I experienced literally each and every emotion from happiness, anger, regret to heartache , numbness and the weird yet valid desire to escape and run off this world to a sweeter place where I can hide away . I don't know what this means to feel overwhelmed and over anxious all the time over petty small matters and things that won't even matter but probably because all this was in my mind it definitely wants to tell me something , to make me feel something  that words can't deliver and to make me long for peace and serenity the way which I never experienced before. There were moments which I adored and I still adore because they were those moments which made me keep going through that imperative phase of my life. Some great things too happen to me in this weirdly unweird month. So it made me realize the importance of taking decisions that how crucial it is to just make choices and to very well go through their consequences . For me it is always being a tough decision to even make decisions and to know myself that what do I really want from myself or from people around me and to my very worst condition in this month there were times where I had to choose between brain and heart, I made decisions recklessly and they will reveal themselves with time . Its really damn important to know what you really want and what makes you happy even in the grimmest time when your feel your mind is not yours and your whole life is not less than a mess. The most important lesson that this month taught me is that we don't always need external sources in terms of
materialistic things and people to feel really happy and calm because true happiness comes from within , it comes  from the love and care you give to yourself. Nothing in life is permanent not happiness and not even gloom , If today you are feeling worthless then tomorrow you may feel even more destroyed but you are never gonna feel the same and this is the ultimate truth .Life is a great movie where each and every  person is hero and villain too. Every person is a sufferer of something or the other but some people are good at hiding their problems than others, some are so strong that they will try their best to make others laugh even if they are crying from inside .Ultimately no one's life is perfect but everyone's life is perfectly imperfect. Embrace yourself and your life the way it is, accept truth from whatever source it comes . Life is always moving whether you like it or not. SO lets close the  chapter of this month here only and wait for tomorrow as TOMORROW IS A NEW DAY ; YOU SHALL BEGIN IT WELL AND SERENELY ,AND WITH TOO HIGH A SPIRIT TO BE CUMBERED WITH YOUR OLD NONSENSE.✌

How not to do that again and again ?

 Repeating same mistakes over time

This new year I decided to have a fresh start and determined that I will not do all those things once again which let me down and made me a prisoner of my own hate during the past years of my life. But here I am once again repeating those so called things even knowing that these only gonna bring negativity and ruin to my shattered life. Why human mind is so wavering ? We plan , we sort and determine to do things but always reveal with a sigh of regret in the end...it feels like I tried so hard and got so far but in the end it doesn't even matter, yes it won't matter that how to got there to people but it do matter to you because you know how many breakdowns you suffered, how often you used to feel useless and not worth it and how often you think of giving up that particular thing when things don't seem working for you. I often talk about starting again, giving it just one more try, waking up every morning with a hope that everything is gonna change for the best and above all just going ahead... the question is Am I doing the  same ? Do I follow all this ? or my words just don't match my actions or my thoughts evade my real actions like the way I have been evading my true self ; trying to run off this place as soon as possible , trying to convince myself that one more year to your big freedom, one more year for you to enter this real world that always seem unrealistic and a terrible place to me I don't know why. They say you think a lot, you yourself make things difficult for you, you can't think straight because you like complicating things. They say its damn easy to go on and on , its easy to forget, to forgive and to free yourself from the worries that weigh you down,  when they themselves don't know how to make their own life better. Today you will decide what you have to do tomorrow, tomorrow when once again you will lack that energy , that willingness to do things and that reason to try one more time, you surely will regret. It will make you feel more depressed ,more  anxious and over time you will develop that bitter hate for yourself. This hate you develop is temporary as it will fade away as soon as you will be on track (which according to others is right and fruitful for you but for you it is breathtaking...so called right and virtuous ) this journey from hating yourself to loving yourself the most is in itself overwhelming , hard to take and imperatively it involves loosing someone or something at the same time. If you feel like you are a mess, you know nothing, you are a loser, you can't do that...and stuff

Things we should care about

FEEL FREE TO TOUCH MOON WITH YOUR GREATNESS

  
Looking at Life

When I  look at life , it always reminds me of my insecurities, fears, problems, difficulties and of course my weaknesses. Everyday I am fighting  my demons just to continue going ahead so as to live and realize the blessing of being alive when everyone around me is complaining about the problems they have being alive . If we will carefully examine our fears and problems we will find that those problems aren't even real in front of the real terrible ones. The problem with us  is that we focus more on our shortcomings than our blessings , we cry for things we don't have now when we must be thankful for all the things God has given us. Every human tends to go through different phases in his / her life . Every age has its own perks and at the same time its own problems. No doubt childhood is the best part of life, growing up we learn many new things. After childhood we step in teenage - the most insecure period of everyone's life . This is the time when we confront real problems of growing up , when we feel emotional without being any reason out there, when we feel hysterical and anxious over petty small matters. At this age we tend to feel alone and empty from inside at several points , we confront seclusion , pain and that feeling of being left behind in this world of materialistic things . Yes it is difficult to cry for no reason , its difficult to placate yourself saying that better days are on their way and good things take time and other affirmative stuff. We often try to calm us down by repeating such things because this is the reality that better days are own their way and we have to make this happen , for that we need to search for that one reason to live everyday till the end of time. Don't worry if you haven't find it yet, this is not the end of time , you can still work towards finding that one reason for which you are here. Every person is different, some find their goals earlier while many people find theirs later, no matter sooner or later you will spontaneously reach there. We have indulged ourselves too much in the rat race of achieving more and more that we have even forgotten to live our life . The most important thing in life is life itself . Do something that your heart desires, work on yourself every single day and eventually you will reach at a point in your life when you will be happy , content and less bitter. The only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you love, if you haven't found it yet keep looking and don't settle . You still have a chance to begin again and get know yourself that where you belong and what interests you the most . There is a message on resilience by Christianopoulos , " They tried to bury us. They didn't know  we were seeds." KEEP SHINING , THE WORLD NEEDS YOUR LIGHT . JUST GO AHEAD AND SURPRISE OTHERS WITH KINDNESS , COMPASSION AND CRAZINESS. GOOD LUCK 💫👍 LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE💖  

Its all good

Learning to accept reality

THE SKY ASPIRES MANY DREAMS 💦

Finally I have learnt to create my own happiness, I have started looking for peace and contentment in small deeds, I have started looking upon life as a precious gift rather than regretting  at having this breathtaking life and I have began accepting people  around me the way they are . I have stopped over expecting from myself, I have  come down a long way though in this journey of life , a journey that is still in search of its destiny, a journey that will be remembered  and a journey of which I will be proud of at some point in future. Learning from life has a different taste in it, its like eating your favorite dish garnished with the sweetest and the  sourest thing of the  world altogether. It seems weird to be a part of this stupendous journey. There are so many things to do in this world full of opportunities . Although I am trying to fight away my insecurities , shortcomings and self doubts; I am still unable to reach that high spirit inside me or outside in the world . Fighting is the foremost rule of survival, a thing that we should learn to become a better version of ourselves . Everyday I wake up with great enthusiasm to do a bit more today, to be a little more kind today, to be able to put that extra effort and  to aspire my dreams today. What you do today defines your future and what your future holds is the biggest mystery in itself and you do unravel a part of it everyday by working towards your goals . Some days are dark, others are bright , some are to be remembered forever while some are to be deleted from your memory forever.  Tough times don't last long just like a thunderstorm ; However the courage developed during tough times last forever and that really change the way how we look at life. All great people who we remember today were humans , all those people who are great personalities of present times are humans and we too are humans . So we too can be remembered , we  too can be an inspiration for others. At heart we all are one but what separates us is our attitude towards everything we come along during our journey . A positive attitude can do miracles while a negative one can become a cause of ruin . How we see our difficulties matter and how we overcome them matters even more . WE ALL ARE HERE FOR THIS ONE TIME ONLY, WE WILL NOT COME HERE AGAIN AND AGAIN , GOD HAS GIVEN US THIS LIFE AND THIS LIFE IS FOR US TO LIVE; FOR US TO ADD SOME VALUE IN THE WORLD OUTSIDE. SO KEEP FIGHTING , ONE DAY DEFINITELY YOU  WILL BECOME THE STRONGEST AND BRAVEST WARRIOR EVER. GOOD LUCK👍