A PHASE !

     ME, myself

Falling skies and falling hopes:)

There are so many paths in front of me
But every time I walk on a path,
Which gives me reasons to sabotage myself more,
It's like embracing dark in the first place

and complaining afterwards.

For I wish to dwell in darkness itself

Since I overlook the light entering into my life;

And cry over lost things and mistakes

I make every single day.

I choose to highlight my imperfections,

and put myself on bed of thorny black roses

which got withered while trying to bloom.

This scorching heat melted me down

and killed my capacity to perceive reality,

to give rise to a delusional world 

where my life is synonymous with delirium,

where I try to hide under the shadow of 

being naive;

So that no one can hold me accountable for anything,

for my shortcomings and for my dilemmas;

Where I want to breathe without being seen

but wished to be acknowledged at the same time;

where I am pretending things the way they are not,

where I try to justify and glorify the obliterate things I do,

where I try to explain it to myself only 

that why do I even exist,

where I believe my shattered life has 

really been shattered;

where I force myself to see those invisible wounds

which no one ever, inflicted upon me,

The way I condemn myself for even existing 

tells me a lot about that part of my life

which I associate with grief,

For grief doesn't exist the way it must be 

to called real grief.

Everything is inside my head and I am tired

of forming beliefs which only paves path to pain and ruin.

Instead of falling in love with life ,

I wish to turn away from it;

Again this is inside my head only

because this is truly not what I feel.

I think I forget to feel, to experience emotions

when this was the only thing I desired to do.

What about my dreams and aspirations ?

Those things which I want to give up

to settle for bare minimum;

Because everything else seems difficult.

All I see is uncertainty owing to my heavy heart,

which is in debt right now.

Then I say it happens as to comfort myself,

when some expectations weigh me down.

I try to heal those wounded parts of mine

by saying it's just a phase not my WHOLE life

But if this is really real , it is yet to be seen;

which only the forthcoming time can unravel:)