Being Adelaide

I wish I were Heather 

Forever being Adelaide

I thought I could fix things, undo mistakes, and start afresh.

I thought I could be Adelaide. 

But then, I wanted to be Heather,

 I don't know why.

Maybe because Heather is happy where she is,

Maybe because Heather has something I desperately wish to have.

I kept comparing myself to Heather, only to realise what I was actually doing.

Heather never forced things; she let them be,

Unlike me, who kept pushing, forcing herself into rooms where she was no longer valued.

Heather cherished what she had from the start, while I took it for granted.

And when I finally realized it was slipping from my grasp,

I  tried to hold on desperately,hopelessly.

But no matter how hard I tried, I could not embrace the inevitable,

I was not capable enough!

I believe Heather to be better than me,

Why? I don't know.

I felt  ugly,

I doubted myself,

I wished to tear myself open, remove this unbearable feeling.

I hated myself.

I could not stand myself.

Why? Maybe because I could never be Heather.

I am losing my individuality,

becoming a shadow of her.

But do I even know who she is?

All I know is that she has something I could never have.

Can I not see Heather happy?

Am I that cruel?

Can't I just let things be?

Can't I stop chasing?

Can't I be content with myself?

Can I ever be Heather?

And if I were Heather in another world, could I make it stay?

Would I be happy then?

Or would the perspective shift, and I'd long to be someone else?

Am I still searching for passion in the wrong places?

Am I still misfortunate enough to lose it all again?

The answer remains- I don't know.

But Adelaide gives me hope.

She never tried to be someone else
.

She made herself worthy of being valued for who she truly was.

She knew when to let go.

She loved without conditions, and in the end, the Universe loved her back.

She got her HAPPY ENDING.

Now that I know I can never be Heather, I hope to be 'Adelaide',

To your 'Rory'

-forever.