Crawling 🙃

It’s getting dark ! 

Delusion ~Reality

Somedays i burn within

And today is that day

I don’t know where to seek refuge

Where to find peace

I just want to run so fast 

That i can no longer feel myself running away

I want to slip away like ashes

I want to slip through that creek to that upside down

Where there is ruin everywhere 

Where i would either run from the monster or myself become the monster

where i would yearn for light

I want to stand still on that escalator forever 

I don’t want to get off that train

I want to lose consciousness 

So that i could no longer sense anything 

I am tired of carrying this invisible baggage 

I don’t feel myself lately

Or maybe i never knew how to know myself

Since i was busy chasing those lies

Somedays my life shines brighter than the colours of a rainbow 

And the other days it seems more block than a black hole itself

How do i save myself from falling deep into this black hole which seems to give my crumpled soul some comfort

I want to escape reality so badly

So so so badly that i cannot even describe it in verses

I wish i can become a part of the stories i read 

Where i am not “me” , where i can start afresh 

Where i can show myself some mercy

Where i can love myself instead of begging it from someone else

Sometimes i feel like i am a sadist

I find comfort in victimising myself 

I don’t know if this is really true or just another of my intrusive thoughts 

Today i want to see myself burn into ashes

I want to see myself being perished 

I want to see myself fading away

I want to blame someone for my miseries so bad

Can i blame you ?

Anyway! I will:)