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| A perfect metaphor for my life🙌 |
A battle with myself
My world is falling apart and i seek for an escape in poetry,
this is where i would bleed my emotions out ,
Would criticise myself and hate myself more,
Would tell myself another story ,
Of another day when i would feel alright
When everything will be alright,
Then again i would fall into this never ending loop
Where i would recollect every tragic memory just to weep more;
Just to show myself the mirror of reality ,
And play the victim card against this world’s shenanigans ,
Then i would get tired of carrying myself, the same way i feel right now.
It’s so complicated, so hard to understand
That I can’t even explain it in my poems
I don’t know how to forgive myself for the things l was compelled to do,
I miss the time when i was so untouched by this world’s ugly side,
When I didn’t know anything about betrayals,
About losing people,
When I didn’t need to think twice.
I am holding myself together,
Just so my loved ones wouldn’t fall apart.
My heart feels heavy,
And i feel fucking alone even when I’m surrounded,
When i’m fully guarded.
I don’t know what real hurt is anymore,
Maybe i no longer remember how to feel or all my emotions fade away ,
I may talk shit but deep down i know how desperately i mean every single line I write:)
Then again why i feel this certain way?
I don’t know why:)
I’ll tell myself that it is just a phase and not my whole life,
I’ll tell myself to focus on the bright side.
But what if there will be no bright side?
What if another hurt is waiting for me with its arms open?
I have lost this battle with my inner self ,
I want to forget and forgive,
Maybe someday i will,
But today is not that day:)
